I think that you can tell a lot about regional tourism demographics by counting tits and togs.  A third category, the ‘douche bag’ was recently dropped from this highly precise science. They are the bronzed class populated by the shiny, the bodily hairless who carry a distinct reek of someone trying to fit in at any cost. They walk with a swagger that would embarrass those they are unsuccessfully trying to emulate. There’s the surf douche, the jock douche, the biker douche et all. They couldn’t be ignored and so found a place in the formula for a while until we realized that like some viruses they are frighteningly prolific with no geographic boundaries. I’ve concluded that today’s douche bag is too ubiquitous to provide any statistical ‘origin of tourist’ insight, so he’s been dropped.

So we are anchored in Nai Harn now, it’s on the south western tip of Phuket and judging by the tits and togs quotient has a remarkably high concentration of southern Mediterranean tourists. Judging by the douche bag quotient it’s just like any other place in the world with a scene. It is a refreshingly beautiful change from Ao Chalang though. Here we take a guilty pleasure from the status that landing our dinghy on a tourist packed beach affords us. Of course this weeklong vacation crowd has no idea how categorically unglamorous our life actually is, but who are we to dissuade them?

View at Picasa 07-Feb-2011 04:29, Canon Canon PowerShot SX20 IS, 5.0, 30.986mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 100

Thailand has this interesting union of the devout and the debauched. Monasteries are a stone throw from 25 naked Thai chicks with numbers on their wrists; they get paid to do the wild thing. Then you’ve got beaches like this one flooded with topless and tog wearing Europeans, contrasted against the never nude psyche of the traditionally living locals 2 kilometres away. It’s even reflected in the local cuisine; the blend of hot and sour, sweet and spicy, fried and fresh. Sport? No exception, the nearly religious respect and tradition inherent in their national sport (kick boxing) stands in total distinction from the protagonists ultimately kicking the ever loving shit out of each other. Even our own experience seems to have been infected. The endless hours of boat drudgery we would rather forget were contrasted against truly unforgettable friends and experiences. I love a good juxtaposition, and Thailand has served it up in spades.

View at Picasa 05-Feb-2011 02:15, OLYMPUS IMAGING CORP. u1030SW,S1030SW , 3.5, 5.0mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100

Speaking of which, our recent mostly by chance encounter with Mark, aka Fearless. Back in Fiji he captained the marauding crew of Kaohale Kai that stole our damned boat. The first of many reasons for our delay in leaving this Thailand was due to his impending arrival and the opportunity to meet his new squeeze Lisa. It was a delay well worth it. Our reunion took place back at the scene of an earlier crime (New Years Eve ) on Bangla Road in Patong. After catching up on what they’ve been up to since we parted ways in Tonga, we carried on like we had never left, and like we had known Lisa for years, she was just that kind of person. Very good times, maybe too good (as you can see) but definitely too short. After an overnight trip to see them that ended up lasting three days we finally got back to the boat and tried to get on with things. Central to keeping that from happening were a couple more characters from our recent past.

View at Picasa 28-Jan-2011 08:54, Canon Canon PowerShot SX20 IS, 2.8, 5.0mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 400

View at Picasa 28-Jan-2011 12:13, Canon Canon PowerShot SX20 IS, 2.8, 5.0mm, 0.067 sec, ISO 400

Michael and Phil each have their own boats and have woven themselves into the Ao Chalang fabric. Confirming our suspicions that the mystery noise which had presented itself after our engine installation was in fact something worth worrying about, they helped us fill the time that it took to have the problem addressed. We found ourselves in a series of blurry Ao Chalang adventures which were invariably spawned from the Mini Mart launch pad. I can’t say too much about the location (to expose it to the douche bags would ruin it) but can with clean conscience describe it as a table always ready with some of the best company and undoubtedly the cheapest self serve beer the town has to offer. Jaime was befriended by the knitting hookers (nobody’s sure which of their trades came first… are they knitting to supplement the hooking or the other way around?). They were lovely and had hearts of gold. We miss them already and will remember the one two punch of the Ao Chalang Mini Mart and candy massage with great fondness.

View at Picasa 06-Feb-2011 01:29, OLYMPUS IMAGING CORP. u1030SW,S1030SW , 3.5, 5.0mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100

Eventually we cajoled our Boat Lagoon mechanics back onto the Slapdash to sort this alignment problem out. Basically you adjust the engine mounts (4 little rubber feet the engine sits on) until the engine, gearbox, and prop shaft all line up perfectly. The manual only allows for tolerances of 0.25 of a millimetre so it’s definitely something we needed perfect before setting off on a 4000 plus service starved nautical miles up to the Mediterranean. After all of the opinions solicited, the debating and the waiting, the mechanics quiet arrival and 1 hour spent on board wrench turning was kind of anti climactic. We tested it out and there are no funny sounds, no vibration, and nothing stopping us from leaving Thailand… well, almost nothing.

View at Picasa 01-Feb-2011 18:53, Canon Canon PowerShot SX20 IS, 4.0, 5.0mm, 0.001 sec, ISO 125

Pirates! No really. Nearly the eve of our departure and word around the sea shore starts spreading fast that there has been a recent spike in activity along our intended route. “50 boats have been pirated, people are turning around and coming back to Thailand!” was the message reverberating furiously through the yachtie haunts yesterday. We heard it over and over. As usual the origins of this sudden proclamation were difficult to track down. Although highly doubtful we decided that it warranted a look.

Maybe it’s our own fault for being flip regarding the topic, but I assure you that despite some opinions we have certainly not ignored the risk, and vehemently disagree that ‘we are crazy to take this route now’ as we have been told. We have carefully evaluated the risk, discussed the risk, and totally accepted the risk (however infinitesimal it may be). Based on the most recent blip we decided to contact friends already in the Maldives and scoured the internet for factual reports.  Maybe something had changed; it would only be prudent to give this some scrutiny right? After all our plan has nothing to do with armaments, military escort or convoy; it’s based on an assessment of the facts, and the facts overwhelmingly support our opinion that these very real pirates often attack merchant vessels between the Maldives and the Red Sea.  In 2010 one attack on a yacht has been reported. One. More than ten times that many yachts have been lost right here in Thailand over the past month due to a far less sensational word; weather! Based on that fact I’m surprised anyone at all here leaves the safety of land in a boat. But apparently we had some new ones, so it was time to consider them.

The facts supporting this recent flare appear to be the same. There really has been a spike (whether this is a week to week, or year over year comparison I don’t know for sure) but they have all been on merchant vessels; so from that regard the number doesn’t matter (to us), its business as usual. The other notable change is that pirates now seem to be operating outside of their predictable zones. Speculation has it that this is due to the increasing multi-national military presence finally blowing the bastards up in the established hot spots, and the innovative pirate’s subsequent measure of launching attack boats from offshore mother ships. This is bad news for merchant vessels taking the long way around to avoid trouble areas; clearly the pirates now have greater range. This is good news for us, since we will be transiting the patrolled areas that they seem to be vacating. If you are going to lose sleep please do it for one of the hundred other things that could go wrong. Not to replace one fear with another, it’s just that we find this particular concern ironic and misplaced. Our highest risk activities take place on land (Odds on favourites? Scooters and questionable company). On the ocean experience tells us that we are most likely to lose our boat while at anchor. On passage weather is always a friend and foe worthy of our preparations (especially this season). Jaime’s closest brush? Falling between the fenders while rafted up to another boat. Mine? An Indonesian scooter crash resulting in a couple of scrapes. Let’s get off the pirate thing. It’s beginning to demand unwarranted attention in a pop star’s nipple kind of way.

Moving on to weather. What the hell is going on? Something strange is afoot. Nothing seems to be linking up quite the way it should this season. Sure, a term like ‘prevailing conditions’ allows room for the unexpected, but synonyms for prevailing like; general, widespread, and popular indicate that over a given period of time you will encounter them more often than most. We value local opinion more than most when it comes to this topic (who knows the neighbourhood variances season over season any better?) and nearly all we’ve met between here and Bali have complained of the same missing consistency that we’ve noticed. Late as usual, we are well into February now and still seem to be waiting for the clockwork appearance of the Northeast monsoon that is supposed to be comfortably pushing us to Sri Lanka. We are anchored in a spot right now that should be completely sheltered this time of year. Instead I’m constantly looking over my shoulder frowning at strong westerly gusts that threaten to turn our chosen spot into a lee shore situation. The reason I’m writing this right now instead of looking over my shoulder at a shrinking Thailand is because of this strange un-forecast weather. We would be under power and beating directly into 20 knots of wind instead of enjoying what is meant to be a thousand mile downhill pleasure cruise.

So here we are. The rumours dispelled, the boat sorted and staged sitting around counting tits and togs. The water, diesel, propane trifecta already replenished after being eroded during our long wait since the last time we were ‘ready to go’. Waiting for the wind. We had accepted that there would be very little. We were surprised by finding a lot coming from exactly the wrong direction that it’s meant to this time of year. We’ve spent up all of our local currency, we’ve downloaded our (increasingly irrelevant) forecasts. In other words we are physically and mentally prepared to get on with our longest passage since leaving Australia. Since we are ready to get underway as soon as conditions permit, it’s unlikely that you will see another post from us before we get to Sri Lanka but can now keep the site updated with ‘location and condition’ type messages via the sat phone.  Track our progress there, and see you in Sri Lanka!

View at Picasa 04-Feb-2011 23:49, OLYMPUS IMAGING CORP. u1030SW,S1030SW , 4.5, 10.34mm, 0.004 sec, ISO 80

View at Picasa 05-Feb-2011 08:03, OLYMPUS IMAGING CORP. u1030SW,S1030SW , 3.5, 5.0mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100

View at Picasa 30-Jan-2011 23:42, Canon Canon PowerShot SX20 IS, 2.8, 5.0mm, 0.017 sec, ISO 160

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